He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
