I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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