What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
