So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just want to make out with him forever
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
