Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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