oh god the rape fog is back!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
