I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
