we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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