Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
