So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
