im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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