just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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