Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
