Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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