fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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