"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
