Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
