Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
