I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
