Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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