hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
