i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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