I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
