I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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