So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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