i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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