awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
