i was born a porn star she said
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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