He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
