OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
