I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
