we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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