Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
