But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
