my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
