My cat gives me a boner
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
