Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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