the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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