Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
false alarm. still invincible.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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