Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
