So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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