so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
