Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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