dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
cat food counts as protein by the way
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
