im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
