My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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