I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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