Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
