Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day đđ#pensacolaproblems
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I know youâre not my dad, but youâre someone dad. And youâre also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Fatherâs Day
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
