i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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