Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
