am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize