I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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