ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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