He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
