You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
