Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
