Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
