She said her name was "party"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
