That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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