We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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