i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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