I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
