I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just high enough for therapy.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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