even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
