I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
