Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
there is glitter all over my balls
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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