I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
