I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
